Our contemporary model of casual social humility is to put yourself down so you don’t look like a conceited jerk when you’re chatting with friends. The “acceptable” way to accept a compliment is to actually deny the compliment, then put yourself down. Most of us have created a terrible habit of being an absolute asshole to ourselves every day, and this kind of negative reinforcement in combination with the ridiculous (and airbrushed) standards in mainstream media is largely responsible for our unreasonable aspirations. It’s time to give yourself some credit! Consider this blog a great, big, long overdue e-hug in the form of five of my favorite ways to stop being such an asshole to yourself.
1 – Celebrate successes, no matter how big or small.
Every journey has its challenges. Think of the things that people are striving to achieve and create everyday: great health, a thriving business, a beautiful home, strong relationships. We know by now that these don’t always come easy, but it behooves us to remain aware of and excited about the progress we’ve already made. It’s easy to lose sight of the little victories and milestones along the way when we’re so focused on the big picture, but this is often the very reason we lose motivation.
If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, take some time today to acknowledge and celebrate your wins. With health and fitness, for example, weight loss is a goal that we often focus on. In my opinion, we focus on weight way too much. We bond over how difficult it is to lose “the last 5 pounds” and we’re never happy with where we are right now. That changes today. No matter what your goals are, I challenge you t to celebrate everything you have accomplished, express gratitude for everything you are capable of, and give yourself some well-deserved self love because you’re a freakin’ badass and it’s about time you recognized that.
2 – Celebrate failures!
And while we’re celebrating, let’s go ahead and celebrate our failures, our pain, and every roadblock that led us to this point and how these setbacks served us and continue to serve us. Making a habit of acknowledging and being grateful for the challenges and failures that allow us to grow, learn, and find new ways to succeed. Check out this epic video of the CEO of Spanx, Sara Blakely. She shares how her father helped to celebrate setbacks and redefine her definition of failure and success. businessinsider.com/
3 – Let go of judgements & comparisons.
We live in a really cool time. My grandma once told me that when she lived apart from her sister, the only time she heard her sister’s voice was when she received a vinyl record in the mail with a scratchy voice recording on it. Now, we can instantaneously connect with friends and family all over the world with the click of a trackpad. We get to stay up to date with people, businesses, and groups through the myriad of social media platforms available to us.
While I love the way technology and social media has enhanced the way we live and connect with others, I absolutely hate the way it has corrupted our reality. Social media breeds unfair comparison. It creates unrealistic expectations, and causes us to judge ourselves and the way we live our lives against curated images and videos that crop and filter out the things that make them real. (If you don’t believe me, click through some of these celebrity before & after photos: trueactivist.com/)
When you compare your “mediocre” life to the flawless instagram accounts of beautiful people who don’t seem to ever have a bad day, who go on epic adventures and eat the most beautifully prepared food, it’s no wonder we all feel inadequate. Subconsciously, this causes us to experience social media in a really destructive and judgemental way. We judge others, and then we judge ourselves.
“Do they even work?”
“She’s way too skinny.”
“How do they afford to eat out so much?!”
“No one is that pretty, she must be a bitch.”
“His life is so cool.”
“I’ll never be able to live like that.”
“I wish I looked like her.”
“I should have accomplished more by now.”
“I’m not smart / rich / happy / strong / skinny / clever / funny / young / successful enough.”
“I’m not enough.”
We are assholes to ourselves and we continue beat ourselves up. We don’t break up the fight and no one comes to the rescue…until now. Today, we are going to stop “should-ing” all over ourselves, we’re going to stop comparing ourselves to the “insta-bull shit” and start LOVING ourselves, loving our bodies, loving our journey, and loving the people who lift us up and support us. We can have bad days, we can work hard towards big, hairy, scary goals, we can succeed, we can fail, and we are always making progress. Today, and everyday, you are enough.
4 – Let go of your limiting beliefs.
It’s time to let go of the limiting beliefs that we created to define success. Limiting beliefs tell us that if something didn’t happen the way we expected it to, that we have failed, that failure is bad, that we can’t do it, and that we should give up. See what I’m getting at here? Limiting beliefs are total B.S. and it’s time to get rid of them!
Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to try things, and fail at them, and succeed, and maybe even fail again, because you’ve relinquished our attachment to outcome, and any outcome is okay because either way, you’re growing. You get to enjoy the ride because you finally figured out how to put the top down on your sassy metaphoric cherry red convertible. And even when you miss the exit, you’re still driving forward. If our goal is to get healthy and level-up our fitness, for example, let’s be grateful for the body that we have right now, because it’s this body that has brought us this far and is going to take us to that next level, no one else’s. Today, I want you to know that you can do this. In fact, you’re already doing it and you’re doing a magnificent job!
5 – Have some freakin’ FUN!!!!!!!
Okay, we got it and we’re ready! We’re excited to start treating ourselves kindly, celebrating our journeys, and filling our hearts with gratitude. Now let’s have some fun with it! Find ways to incorporate the things, the people, the activities that bring you joy into your daily life. Whatever your goals are, find fun and enjoyable ways to progress and alternative ways to measure success.
There you have it, Friend. Make today the day that you pledge to speak to yourself as you would your best friend. Don’t stand for anyone making you feel less than your amazing self, and that includes YOU!